The Breakfast That Breaks Disappointment

KATIA ADAMS • September 10, 2015
In recent days I’ve been thinking a lot about the power we have in forgiving ourselves. Unless we’re able to embrace God’s grace and mercy in wiping the slate clean for us and walk freely forward without looking back at our own failures, we’ll never be able to step fully into all that God has for us.

I keep going back to Peter’s story in the gospels. The ‘head boy’ of Jesus’ disciples who then falls so epically in denying Jesus just before His death… we all know the story. The bit of the story that i can’t get out of my head is the series of events after Jesus has risen from the dead.

We get a little hint that all’s not well in Peter’s heart when Jesus speaks to the ladies at the tomb to ‘Go and tell the disciples and Peter’ (Mark 16:7) about the resurrection. Why would Jesus feel the need to say ‘and Peter’ when Peter was one of the disciples – and arguably one of the most important at that? Had Peter been voted out of the discipleship group? – we get no indication from that in scripture. Maybe Jesus knew that Peter would need special encouragement after such a deep failure, to see himself again as the person he’d been called and created to be. Maybe Jesus wanted Peter to know that He still believed in him, that He still wanted him in his original role, even after the betrayal.

The next clue that we get that Peter’s heart is hurting is after Jesus has appeared to him and the disciples. Jesus turns up and shows the disciples that everything He ever said and claimed was true and that He really is God. WOAH!!! Time to throw a party! Jesus is alive and is GOD! But Peter does’t throw a party. In John 21 we see that knowing everything he now knows, Peter decides to go back to his old job – ‘I’m going out to fish’ (John 21:3). Now what on earth would make him do a thing like that? This is the same Peter who once said there’d be nowhere to go outside of Jesus because He ‘holds the words of life’ (John 6:68). Why’s he now walking away from Jesus who’s just had His most victorious moment? I wonder if it’s because Peter couldn’t shake off his sense of disappointment in himself. I wonder if it’s because He couldn’t look at Jesus without seeing his own worst and lowest moment and he couldn’t take the pain of that. I wonder if Peter walked away not so much because he was seeing Jesus differently, but because he was seeing himself differently – because he no longer felt worthy of his ‘head boy’ status but now was struggling with such a sense of unworthiness because of his failure that he decided to walk away.

But here’s the beautiful thing – Jesus was not disappointed with Peter. Disappointment requires for you to have had higher expectations of someone than what actually happens. But Jesus had accurate expectations of Peter right from the beginning. He knew that Peter was going to fail dramatically even when He called him. He knew on the night it happened and so warned Peter that ‘“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. but I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:31-32) We often read these verses thinking that when Jesus is praying for Simon’s faith not to fail, He’s praying that Peter won’t betray Him – but i don’t think that’s what Jesus is getting at at all because in the very next sentence, Jesus makes it clear that Peter will fail, but will then turn back. I think the ‘faith’ that Jesus is praying for is not the faith that stops the mistake, but the faith that helps us to continue believing in His words declared over us, in what He’s called us to be after the mistake is made so we’re able to turn back and strengthen others. Listen up: Jesus is not disappointed in you when you fail, because His expectations of you have always been 100% accurate, so He saw what was coming even when He called you. What He’s drawing you towards and strengthening you for is the ability to accept His grace over you, for the courageous faith to believe Him even when you no longer feel like a person worthy to carry His promises. The power to ‘turn back and strengthen the brothers’ is the power to forgive yourself and believe Jesus’ words over you again.

In one of the most tender moments of the gospels, the God of the universe cooks His disciples breakfast so that He can help one of His friends back to a place of faith again (John 21). Jesus calls Peter back from his sorry fishing expedition so that He can restore him to the fullness of his call and so that he can step freely into the destiny marked out for him. I wonder how many of us need to accept Jesus’ invitation to breakfast this morning? I wonder how many of us need to invite Holy Spirit to empower us to walk free from the shame of the past? Let Him in today – He cannot wait to break off the chains of your self-disappointment so you’re able to run again with full abandon the race marked out for you.
By Julian Adams January 3, 2025
We are living in a world of dramatic change. The relentless pace of development often leaves us breathless and exhausted. The demand for innovative ways of communicating, inventing, and staying ahead of cultural trends can feel daunting and demoralizing. It can push us into a space where we find ourselves trying to copy rather than be authentic, to imitate rather than create. This pressure can lead us to believe that we need to be more creative, and that our individual stories do not matter. But nothing could be further from the truth. Your story, no matter how small, matters and is powerful. One of the remarkable aspects of ancient manuscripts, like the Bible, is that they tell the stories of individuals whose lives may seem small and insignificant. Yet, God chose to make their lives a memorial of what He could do with a life that the world deems insignificant. The incredible power of the gospel is that it changes lives one at a time. God is as interested in the individual story as He is in redeeming the cosmos. The aim of the gospel is not just dealing with personal sin; it is about restoring individuals to a relationship with a kind Father. In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis beautifully said, "The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God." Justification addresses our standing before God, but our adoption invites us into a relationship with the Father. It allows us to partake of who He is and to live in a place of deep joy from who He is. Romans 3:23 reminds us that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Many of us forget that the work of salvation has turned this verse around. Through Jesus, we have been restored to the glory of God. One description of the word "glory" refers to the divine quality, the unspoken manifestation of God, and splendor. It is the revelation of God's intrinsic worth and beauty. Do you see that? We have been restored to His divine quality, splendor, and beauty. In a world where it can be easy to feel like just another face in the crowd, remember that your story is significant. Your experiences, your journey, and your voice matter. Embrace the unique narrative God has given you and let it shine. You are not just a spectator; you are a vital participant in God's grand story. Your authenticity, creativity, and individuality are valuable. As you navigate the rapid changes of our world, hold on to the truth that your story has power and purpose. God sees you, knows you, and has a plan for your life that is uniquely yours. Let us celebrate the beauty and significance of each individual story, knowing that together, we contribute to a tapestry of divine splendor and glory.
By Julian Adams July 17, 2024
Rejection is a powerful force that can shape the trajectory of our lives, often in ways we don't fully realize until much later. For me, this journey began in childhood. I was born with a cleft palate, which affected my ability to speak, and coupled with my passionate devotion to Jesus, I faced daily ridicule and rejection throughout my school years. My speech and my fervent faith made me a target, and I found myself isolated and misunderstood. Despite the rejection, something beautiful began to grow within me: a deep and abiding friendship with Jesus. Through profound encounters with the Lord, I began to walk in the prophetic. This newfound gift led me to public ministry, where I started releasing prophetic words. However, beneath the surface, I was carrying an immense amount of pain that I hadn't dealt with. This pain manifested as a lifestyle of performance, driven by the need for acceptance and validation. Though I was a new creation in Christ, I was living as if I were still bound by my old wounds. In Matthew 23:27-28 (MSG), Jesus describes the Pharisees as "manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin, you're total frauds." These words struck a chord with me because I realized I was living like a professional Pharisee. Outwardly, I appeared to have it all together, but inside, I was disconnected from the healing process that God wanted to take me through. This disconnect had a significant impact on my prophetic ministry. My words, especially those concerning sin, were often harsh and unkind, reflecting my damaged perspective of myself and the world. It wasn't until I began to address my heart issues that my approach to the prophetic truly changed. God started speaking to me about the connection between my gift, my performance, and my worth. Through this process, He took me back to moments of pain and difficulty from my childhood and even into my adult life. In one profound moment, God said to me, "Son, I want you to grow up and be a child." This statement might seem paradoxical, but it revealed a crucial truth: the posture of the kingdom is one of childlike fascination and trust. My journey into sonship transformed how I viewed the prophetic and how I ministered to others. No longer driven by judgment and legalism, I began to approach people with love, kindness, and the heart of the Father. Understanding my identity as a beloved child of God allowed me to see others through His eyes. This shift not only brought healing to my heart but also enabled me to minister more effectively and compassionately. Rejection and pain had shaped my early years, but God's love and healing power brought me to a place of wholeness. This journey has taught me that dealing with our heart issues is essential for authentic and impactful ministry. As we pursue wholeness, we open ourselves to deeper intimacy with God and greater effectiveness in serving His people. If you find yourself struggling with similar issues of rejection, pain, or performance, I encourage you to invite God into those wounded places. Allow Him to heal and transform you, just as He did for me. Embrace the posture of childlike wonder and trust, knowing that you are deeply loved and valued by your Heavenly Father. In this place of wholeness, you will find the freedom to live and minister authentically, reflecting the heart of God to a world in need.
By Julian Adams July 21, 2023
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